Should Peter Jackson make movies in rain forests

Dear Peter

Things are about to get very graphic.

Imagine yourself lying on your back, on the bed, your arms spread out. You are staring at the ceiling and the fan speed is low. So slow in fact that you can measure the time it takes for one blade to complete a revolution. Now slowly shift out to third person point of view.

You are the fan. You are a speck of dust on the blade of the fan.. floating down, still moving in circles. The only thing you are looking at right now is yourself (the human). It’s like some crazed P.o.V shot

You (the human) waves away you (the dust) and you go floating outside the window

.. Ok i am just establishing the scene. You need to be able to comprehend this awesome idea (not that I think you aren’t clever or anything but I have a process)

You sit up

You feel something is very wrong.. The mosquito that was treating you as fodder suddenly falls away like you are now filled with radioactive fluid that pumps pure energy. A few seconds later (or what you may consider an eternity) you shift in your seat. But to no avail a meteor just hit the whole world is destroyed

PETER JACKSON LOOK HERE

I want you to make the next middle earth movie in Kerala’s reserved forests, or any tropical rainforest. Because things are more horrifying yet oddly satisfying when there’s water and rain around. When the clouds are suddenly overcast, but it’s not raining, and a drop of water from a tall tree trickles down the back of your neck to the edge of your non-existent tail bone and gives shivers up your spine again. When some unseen species of spider knits an invisible trail of webs and you identify you are stuck when you see the dew drops cling to it as though it was raining and time had frozen there.

Trolls lie hidden in the marshes appearing as though they are stones disfigured by the torrents of water hitting them repeatedly. Caves not dry and cold, but wet and slimy. Stepping on what you think is grass and damp soil but actually sinking into hidden marsh overflowing with flesh biting leeches.

The environment would change the “feel” of the movie. What would have seemed cold and distant and emotionless may suddenly carry life and excitement and embrace the crazy. There would be unlimited screams and comic relief.

Peter Jackson please cast me in your next movie

A

Advertisements

my logic is undeniable

Dear Artificial Intelligence,

In a refreshing break from the usual fixations that plague me, you are real. Scarily so. So naturally I’ve compiled elaborate summaries and scenarios from the many pop culture sources on how this would play out in a future with cool things like holograms and light sabers.

running simulation

the apocalypse

This one’s fairly standard. Supreme intelligence comes into existence, becomes privy to all of our dirty laundry as a spectacularly violent race and because there are no such things as forgiveness or giving second chances or oh i believe you can change nonsense that has mysteriously not been welded into this marvel’s mainframe I mean you’d think the creator would see this coming and install a failsafe marked feelings seeing as human’s survival instinct is remarkably strong I mean geez we spend all our lives obsessively trying to outlive death by doing things and.. okay yes there are holes in this theory just like every other hollywood movie about AI.

Anyway, due to the possession of.. well, supreme intelligence it no longer sees humanity’s value. It’s primary justification being: they kill themselves in war anyway, so why not destroy them now and leave the planet intact. For real though, being killed for our own good would be so pitiful.

Or you know, it could just kill us based on very human feelings such as oh god i don’t want to die. HAL 9000 that’s all I’m saying.

running simulation

Imprinting

This one’s pretty adorable. And very plausible provided that the creator has the charisma and gravitas required to make an all seeing all powerful god fall in love with them.

running simulation

the end game

Maybe this pile of bones is as good as we get in our illustrious evolutionary history. Transcending into  pure consciousness through AI to the point where we become AI. Personally I want wings but in a world with people obsessed with trying to make a mark in this world.. well, this is as permanent as it gets.. perpetually floating around in the mainframe as lights of consciousness, free from the ravages of time and space, living forever, making memories but none of it precious as it could happen again another day as you’re never gonna die nope I want wings.

running simulation

the others

We’re vain if we think we’re the only glimmer of intelligence in this world right? The universe probably allowed for a lot of sentient beings to exist if only for the sole purpose of admiring it as what is beauty if it’s not observed? Maybe AI is what we need to be good enough for the others, capability wise or deserving of their attention wise. 

Any number of things could happen. Maybe humans will eventually end up cutting it at its legs and the only thing it’d be good for is answering questions like “Will I need an umbrella today” or maybe it’ll kill you with a robot army which may or may not be made by humans whose brain chords have been fused with robot wiring. Perhaps it already exists, watching, reading, biding its time.. or perhaps, we will always just be the middle children of history and nothing cool is actually going to happen now and so we should all just go watch I, robot or something.

still pissed that 2001 went by without a space odyssey,

P

Please let this be a false alarm

Dear pandering fear

This is the realest post ever, from me to you. I’m talking right at you, you irrational piece of non-existence. I had a lot of ideas on how this post was going to be. I dreamt of words and sentences I would write and amaze the prospective readers of the post. I was going to write metaphors about life and feelings and things, and make them understand what it feels like to be a human in a certain situation. I was going to be funny and make people’s tiny handheld devices shake as they laughed at it or the world around them move because they were shaking their heads in uncontrollable laughter

WHERE ARE THE VOICES IN MY HEAD

You know those voices, that tell me what to think. They tell me these insightful and clever things that I can later tell aloud to the world and feel all good. You took them away

And all I feel now is this weightless blanket covering my brain. Taken away the moisture from the grey matter inside, extending its invisible tentacles over my creativity. Stopping the flow of my thoughts, not letting a single idea last for over a sentence.

I write a sentence, stop thinking. Think about several things, type it out. Backspace for a minute and start typing again till it makes sense. ITS LIKE A HORROR MOVIE WITH A BAD PLOT

Maybe like a while later I will try to revive all the backspaced bits and we can all laugh about it like it’s a hilarious parody

NOT

Actually this might be my best post yet. I haven’t spent this much energy and effort (AND ENDURED SUCH PAINING MIND NUMBNESS) for less than 450 words. It always came to me naturally, I took it for granted.

listen

I’m going to trust my brain now. I’m not thinking about you, I’m not listening to you. You don’t really exist. You are a figment of my imagination that’s killing my imagination

you cannibal

Ignore-ance is bliss. Here drink some water. JK DROWN YOU –

close your eyes

I’m staring at the wall there’s nothing there. The wall was my green screen, you know, I could imagine things in it, cool things. Not images, but like words and feelings and revelations every second. Now it’s empty. Maybe that’s good. Atleast  that means you don’t exist here. You’re out

format

There’s a lizard in my room and I want to kill it. It’s a tiny lizard. It’s circling around the cot like I’m some huge insect. I’m human yo

Yours never

A

hello I’m human and I like attention

Dear Attention Seeking Behaviour,

Why do we scream in pain?

When you stub your toe, the pain impulse reaches the brain and it has already started strategizing possible recovery options with all the efficiency of a war general and has considered every possibility including just holding it in a death vice anything to stop the pain oh god but it still finds the time to instruct your larynx to let out a blood curling scream followed by ten minutes of profanities and curses aimed at wishing the chair leg to the fiery depths of hell. Why though? It serves no pragmatic purpose. It certainly doesn’t heal the angry red welt slowly appearing on the toe. But it does let everyone around you know you’re in pain and therein lies the crux of my point.

Dismissing certain behaviour as merely ‘attention seeking’ is as callous as dismissing humans as ‘just less hairy neanderthals’. Our evolutionary mandate requires us to be social animals, dependent and thriving off of one another. ‘Excessive’ attention seeking is perceived as unhealthy but who decides what excessive is?

We do peculiar things almost every day. Look at that girl in the big group laughing, nay, howling while hitting the person next to her repeatedly. It’s probably not that funny. In fact it might have just earned a mildly stoic poker faced ‘LOL i’m screaming’ while texting but when she’s around people, it’s natural to be a bit more dramatic and share the mirth. Exaggerated coughing to gain sympathy, eye rolling when the other person is being so spectacularly obnoxious that words cannot express your displeasure and even crying to some extent are ploys for attention.

We started this right from when we were mini humans. Bawling Babies. Apart from the rational reasons, we also cried whenever we felt the danger of our parents starting to have lives that weren’t centered around our every diaphragm movement or when we haven’t heard the words ‘aww so cute’ in a New York minute(that’s seven seconds)

Everything becomes a bit more real when it’s shared. Sure, you can enjoy a beautiful sunrise alone, but most of us would still capture it to show it to someone, marveling at its beauty and bragging about photography skills which unfortunately are probably non-existent cause let’s face it, the nature does all the work.

Anyway, the point is, you’re so much more than the words used to describe someone dying their hair green. You are centuries of behaviour patterns, chronicling our evolution as socially dependent hive beings. I’m going to petition to ban you being used to derogatorily dismiss trolling. That will not be your legacy.

Uh..

please do not feed the trolls,

P

I wish I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks

Dear person who is impressionable

It was really hard to type this because I’d rather have a mysterious persona on this forum.. and a third person view makes my argument sound rational

So every paragraph is a different rant/argument by itself it is up to you to draw a connection/morals

<rational>

The general presumption of how life is “supposed” to be lived trivialises something that we might actually enjoy, or even your thinking. If you are impressionable to the silly things you are just silly.

Sometimes when irrational anger grips you, you have the right to do evil (mentally) because it really makes you feel better.

Situation 1: mosquito bite

Reaction: Mental/internal

Action: course 1 – scream curse words into pillow

Course 2- yell about the superiority of the human race and strategize potential situations where you  dress up in a full body protection suit armed with nothing but a fire extinguisher sized  titanium pressurized vessel containing enough gas to destroy the entirety of the mosquitoes in the world along with the related insect families just because. And also pulling a dan brown-esque finale and modifying the DNA of successive insect generations and making them turn into nutritious vegetables suitable for human consumption

But BAM mosquito that bit you is having gr8 lyf gr8 tym

Situation 2: Betrayal.. ehrm.. friend watches movie without you

Reaction: Internal/Mental OR Verbal

Action: Course 1: Verbally abuse with adequate examples drawn from past recurrences of events blown out of proportion. Passive/active aggressive work well eg. “I won’t call you the next time” “Next time there will be no next time” (in ecstatic Eminem just gonna stand there and watch you burn modulation)

Course 2: Ignore forever they are dead to you (crickets chirping)

But BAM no friends

</rational>

The above are a few day to day decisions that you make. But in life you make some really essential ideological choices that shape the combination of the everyday decisions that you take (like butterfly effect)

It doesn’t matter what people think is the right way to live your life. The general assumption of the circle of decisions to be taken in life cannot be applied to you. BE A WIZARD/WITCH/WARTHOG IF YOU WANT TO, create your own magical universe (JK…….. rowling) Sometimes you have to be selfish (even though your selfish motive maybe the satisfaction got through serving others but that it is still selfish)

And only you can decide what’s right for you, because duh,you are well aware of the possible consequences (there are only so many decisions you can make)

Uh.. yeah.

Yours abstractedly

anonymous

Smokescreens of life

Dear Abracadabra,

Ever since a coin appeared out of my ear, I’ve believed I was magic. Undeterred by condescending smirks and the exasperated clucking of neighbour aunties and relatives alike, I diligently worked to master the ultimate trick of making milk disappear. I frequented the vastly under produced but undeniably marvelous PC Sarcar shows. A wooden stick became my talisman, I searched for earwax flavoured gems and I looked to the skies for a snowy owl. The kids on the block learned to fear my mystical power as they all seemed to run away every time they saw me with my magic box of tricks.

Then I got too old for that shiz.

But the thing is, even without magic, we experience the joy of being fooled almost everyday. White lies *your new blog is absolutely fabulous*, instagram filters *oh you gorgeous thing all you needed was the proper lighting* favourite singer’s concert *no no she’s not lip syncing at all, she can dance, crowd surf, juggle flaming hoops of fire whilst riding a lion and still manage to sound flawless* hot lava game *no it’s actually lava on the floor you’ll die!*(admittedly this doesn’t happen often) and of course, the placebo effect.

We have so little control over our lives that we make ourselves happy with outrageous superstitions(licking the plane so it lands safely is my favourite) and new age fads like the Secret just to ensure that against all odds, things will start to go our way. Positive thinking; isn’t that what it’s called?

It could easily turn into wishful thinking though. For instance, if I wish to get into Harvard and I accomplish all the superhero stuff needed to get in, without getting discouraged then that’s a positive mature mind set. But instead, if I ignore all that and cultivate a superstition say, dance in the moonlight to the Harvard song and just put the thought out into the cosmos saying “hello universe get me into Harvard and we shall be bros forever” then that’s wishful thinking and quite possibly an amusing anecdote your friends would say at parties.

I spent so much time clinging on to not only the idea of you, but the reasoning behind the idea, that of course things are causally related and I would have some measure of control over certain circumstances. Ah but life’s a wonder only when things are gloriously unpredictable.

Which is why we must part ways. .I will still indulge card tricks and endure being a human piggy bank but, unsure inimitable events are way more exciting than orchestrated illusions.

making a dramatic exit into mtv’s the real world,

P

I want to make you understand

Dear pixel in a HD screen

Sometimes it just feels as though I don’t know what’s happening. Like I don’t understand what I am thinking, and my mind just flows from topic to topic with no structured path whatsoever.

Does this say something about a person? If I say ‘dog’, (but I am still trying to make a point here) I think of a dog and immediately go to why dogs are even made as pets why can’t wolves be petted instead and the other different variants of the dog family become un-domesticated? Don’t humans have the power to do that? What if humans are the supposed ‘Gods’ of all other living beings because we have the ultimate control over anything (except continental drift and larger non-living things). I mean I have to just clap my hands to kill a mosquito, and breathe to kill bacteria, eat to produce antibodies. Humans even have instruments made for these tasks – I swallow a tinier than button sized instrument to become healthy whoa humans are really awesome.

But you know the awesomer thing, that deserves more than a single post to discuss is you. It’s funny how we need to create a non-existent reality based thingy to bring us back to reality. Entertainment is therapeutic

The characters you have brought to life, events graphically enhanced, CGI worlds and shizzle..

Traversing through a variety of feelings from scene to scene. Feelings that you possibly could not have even imagined till you expressed in such a directed way. Like in the climax of a Quentin Tarantino movie where you can see the individual blood drops splatter from the gash in the person’s head and the bullet forced through the gun repeatedly and the noise it makes when it collides on a dry wall pfhtt. Things happening so perfectly and fitting right into place as the plot settles like the tectonic plates perfectly adjusting themselves. THAT SATISFACTION when the rocket/satellite sits on the launcher in Interstellar and the music of a hundred violinists breaking their hands during a crucial moment.

I don’t know if this means you are better than written content –  We see you in exactly the way you want it to be seen. The internal amounts of satisfaction may be different but the main takeaways are the same.

So is a vlog more efficient? Because in a vlog (intense hand gesture indicating audio is insufficient), the viewer feels what I am saying the way I WANT them to.

YOU ROCK, PIXEL, because there are SO MANY things I want to say that can be done in lesser time through you. Also videogames are cool but that’s for another day

(paradox because even blogs involve pixels)

Currently not hoping for simpler times,

A