It starts out innocent enough. Something to take the edge off; to forget about menial dreariness of life. Could be chemical or fictional and it always starts with the brain.
There’s something about that first time. The gradual realisation about how awesome *insert vice* is. You slowly get into it and understand what all the fuss was all about. It could be substances, videogames, love but whatever it is, it gets you hooked and when you look out the window, it’s already sunset.
You promise yourself that this is the last time you get carried away. You go to sleep with your mind whirring about everything to be done the next day.
But our brain is so goddamn susceptible. Once we get chemically rewarded instantaneously for whatever we’d done the previous day, the memories get seared in as the most pleasurable event of our lives; so much so that it asks for more. And a pattern ensues. The honeymoon phase begins and nothing ever feels wrong. Things are easier because no matter what, it’s waiting for us to make us happy.
Then something changes. We start over-indulging, spending too much time on it; desperately trying to recreate the first time; which will never happen as some sane part of the brain has wised up and built a tolerance.
But isn’t this true for any experience? That first time you hear the most beautiful song, that first kiss, we can never replicate that. But we don’t necessarily get stuck in the rut of memories. We chase after new firsts.
Some of us though, spend all of our faculties trying to attain that elusive first high. They say that a person is crazy when they do the same thing and expect to get a different result. But you know you’re an addict when you engage in different variations to get the same result. Repetition is so dangerously comfortable. Effortless. Ultimately though when we look back at life, it would just be a haze of indistinguishable routines.
Addiction changes our whole brain chemistry; the way we perceive things. It’s something that can happen to anyone with literally anything in our lives. Existence is already a raging sea of randomness and we may not always choose the right life rafts.
But things change when we understand. Acceptance of our own frailty is always the first step.
not done with this,